Home  Ministries Adult Men DC 02/18/08
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DC 02/18/08 |
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Stay alert! Watch out for your
great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion,
looking for someone to devour.
1 PETER 5:8 NLT
A lot of the
off-handed comments made to me as a child about how typical a boy I
was or was not absolutely gave the enemy a foothold early. Long
before I had accepted Christ these doubts were given a chance to
take root. During my teenage years I attempted suicide more than
once (I have mentioned this here before) and I distinctly
remember my mother expressing fear that I may have tried to take my
life because maybe I was gay. I was not. Nor did I ever think that
I was but I will tell you that again because I
doubted myself and in many ways did not know who I was or where I
fit in as a male, this statement made me believe if only for a
moment that maybe others knew more about me than I did. It
"confirmed" that I was unlike other boys my age. It 'confirmed"
that I was soft/that I was weak. My reaction was again to
withdraw/ to again see myself as unfixable/forever
broken.
Of course this was
not a real "confirmation" of anything, which is why I have
placed the word between quotation marks.......
Truth of the
matter is over the years God has used even these deep-seated doubts
to shape me and at times to encourage others. On more than one
occasion I have had men confess to me that they have no one that
they feel close enough to talk to when they are in great emotional
pain. Because of my experiences I am able to identify with the
belief that taking one's life, when one is very isolated, can seem
like a very logical "solution" to end significant emotional pain. I
know that God has used me to show men that this belief is a
lie, that it will bring no true relief. If I had not had these
experiences I would not be able to show men the traps that one
can so easily fall into. Doubt can and is used by the enemy to
distance us from God. I know now that God made me as I am and who I
am for a reason. We cannot and should not be all alike. There is
much that God can use to reach others through our life
experiences. Revealing your past (or current) pain to a
brother you trust may ultimately convince him of the love
of Jesus. We have no idea how God can and will use our willingness
to be transparent.
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