written by Ken Mitten
Even fools are thought to be wise
when they keep silent; when they keep their mouths shut, they seem
intelligent.
PROVERBS 17:28
As a licensed clinical social
worker I often counsel people in distress. This has and
does occur in group settings and one-on-one both formally and
informally. The one thing that is often stressed in social work
training is the importance of listening. Silence is uncomfortable
for most and depending on how we are wired we often do anything we
can to fill in the semi-tractor trailer voids with blather in
counseling settings and elsewhere. This is human nature. It is also
"fool" behavior or maybe I should put it like this: it gets us
there rather quickly.
This translates to every day life
of course. If/when you are approached by a brother and he confides
in you/shares something he is struggling with do you immediately
convert to Commando Dr. Phil mode and provide advice/similar
experiences from your own life? Whether you know it or not this
response may insure that this man will never confide in you
again.....which may be what you want. Silence is still responding.
There is a term used in therapy circles called active
listening. It is as it sounds.
There is really no technique to be
taught here but there are some questions you can ask
yourself:
Am I letting this man tell his
story (even if it is making me uncomfortable)?
If I am rushing in to
fix the problem have I stopped to determine
whether or not he has even asked me for help? This of course
applies to our wives as well.
Be careful of the flipside here as
well. If you are being silent because you are hoping (dare I say
it...praying) that the conversation will stop, this will
inevitably find its way out of you, even non-verbally. As always,
transparency goes a long way. Scripture that describes the behavior
of fools can put us in the space of believing that "fools" are
someone other than us. People who are foolish (not you my
friend...) act like this. Make no
mistake, we are human and all have our
fool moments, some more often than
others.
K
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